Sittin' by my lonesome in the light.

Finally back to life. It was good to spend a few days removed from everything and just relax and refuel for the next semester. Life sometimes is best left unattended for a while. Made a few resolutions and am starting to put one foot in front of another. Ambitious goals. Big plans, small expectations. I like the sound of that.

It felt good to come back to life after taking a break. I feel ready to take on challenges and eager to find and make opportunity. Yet, I find myself coming home to my thoughts. It will be nice to one day have someone to come home to, to have someone call home.

I have this corner of the earth that I can call my own. It is a small corner of a shared room on the second floor apartment building. This space is mine and mine alone. The walls are there to hear my thoughts and no one else's and I often stay up at night scribbling the incessant ponderings that set the landscape for the coming night's dreams and nightmares. In this corner I am my most kind supporter and my harshest critic, depending on the minute and what thought has taken place. I sit and stare and just wish sometimes that this ceiling will talk back.

I seem to keep coming back to this idea of home. I want it, I feel I have it at times, but I know it isn't complete yet. It can't be, there is only me in the picture. I come home at night to just this corner of the world. I come home to only my thoughts waiting for me. That's all I have for the moment. My thoughts.

And it suits me for now. It's not that I don't have a good life. I do. I don't want anyone else's life but my own. I am happy. Life is good. However, I don't ever want to be complacent. My life is good, I do believe it can be enriched though, refined.

And I know there have been many things that haven't worked out. I made my mistakes and continue to stumble in my humanity, but I hope I am at least stumbling forward.

Truth be told, the hopeless romantic I so many times repress and disregard gets the best of me when the quiet of the night is too significant to take. It comes when I come home to an empty apt, the roommates busy with life. It hits when I am reading a book and something profound rises from the page and I wish there was someone I could share this thought with, to discuss with, to internalize with. Maybe it hits the most when I come home after a long vacation and I am so excited to go home and see someone, the only problem is that I don't know who that someone is yet. All I know is the anticipation and excitement.

So goes hope. I hope for the complete picture that is missing from the night stand. One day I will come home to someone, or maybe my own family. The kids running around, I hope they will be excited for dad to be coming home from what seemed like the longest day at work. And I will go up and wrap my arms around my wife and ask how her day was. And then she will proceed to ask me to set the table, which I will do so gladly, because the highlight of my day will be sitting down and asking all the kids about their day. Then a little while after dinner the kids will go to bed and it will just be me and her. Maybe we will watch a favorite show or just talk. In our own little corner of the world, that is just ours and no one else's. You see I don't want some romance, I just want a complete life that's all

But for now, I am by my lonesome in the light and I am ok with that. The picture is a process and while some days it may not seem like it, it is slowly developing. So I continue to live my life to the fullest I know how and continue to make my own story. So when those dinner table discussions I can tell start it off by saying "Did I ever tell you the time your dad... "

At the dinner table,

The future of whoever I am supposed to be.

2012 - Feeling Ambitious

So it's finally here, 2012. The year the world is supposed to end. It's waited all of time to get here and it's finally here. And with all the resolutions and resolving going on, I think I am falling into the trend once again of planning for this next year to be the best. The year where the dreams become your reality and your troubles a distant dream. I do it every year, and every year I come up short some where. That being said, I do have big plans for this year. Here are a few things on the agenda just to give you an idea

• Start my own business. Pretty ambitious right? Truth is I am sick of jumping around from menial jobs while I scrimp through school. And since I don't have the necessary degree and haven't meet the certain requirements to fully start the career I want yet, I am taking the reigns and going to start doing things differently, where I am more in control of my circumstances. And if I fail, at least I will know that I tried.
• Live the healthiest life I know how. And I don't just mean putting in the hours in at the gym. I am talking complete and total health: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Over this last year I have realized that health isn't just a number on a scale or a picture. It's a state of being.
• Be myself 100% of the time and not be embarrassed about it.
• Push myself to find talents and refine the talents I think I have
• Attend the temple once a week.
• Try to have a better attitude about things that I don't currently have a good attitude about (cough*dating*cough)
• Leave behind the past, live in present, and let the future come in it's own time.
• Get back to Texas once, if not once then twice!
• Road trip through the south and experience southern hospitality
• Stand on the coast of the great Atlantic and the Pacific waters.
• Watch the sun rise from above the valley floor.
• Share my story
• Expand myself
• Pray daily
• Read the good books.
• Appreciate
• Create
• Love
• Be loved
• Practice the guitar and harmonica
• Write a song
• Not let fear control my decisions
• Embrace change and opportunity

And finally, I will keep moving in spite of setback and temporary failures. I am just gonna try and give it a 110% all year. This year feels different, because I am not afraid to fail. I just want to give it all I have and see what happens.

2012. Big plans, big ambitions. 100 chances for failure? Or a 100 chances for success?

I am going to give it a shot just to find out.

Resolved,

Little Lion Man

Another great one...

KEEN- If It's the Beaches

Today we have Keen from kristenwarwick.com. She is an absolutely amazing writer! I basically read every one of her blog posts like they are hot off the press. She should be published and I won't be the least surprised if she is one day in the not so distant future. She is good. Keen, I turn it over to you.

there is a reason why artists so often sing about love. both happy and sad.

both found and forgotten.

because love is something everyone gets. love is something people will unfailingly purchase on the i-tunes store and buy on the-now-brilliant-google-music (seriously--yet another reason to love google--as if g-mail, google docs, google +, and g-calendar weren’t enough).

why? because love is the one thing that no one can deny.

and sure, you’ve got to talented enough to put it to some catchy chords with some kick-a lyrics and a great lead guitar.

the music is the main dessert.

and the lyrics are the cherry on top.

take this song for example. if its the beaches by the avett brothers.

love them. great music. they have that raw, folk-rock sound that i wonder how anyone can pass up. their lyrics always seem to grab at the sensitive, already bruised areas of my heart

just like billy corgan from the smashing pumpkins. the guy is a freakin’ poet-magician-man. sometimes, on really dark days, if i want to magnify a heartbroken feeling i am experiencing, i turn the ol’ i-pod to ‘mayonaise’ and let my boy billy do the talking. he’s such an emotional weirdo. but really, i don’t know if it’s the drugs or what, but he seems to get it.

this song, ‘if it’s the beaches’ does just that.

it is basically a plea. a plea of desperation. in hopes of continuing with a struggling relationship.

raise you’re hand if you’ve been here before? yeah, i think we all have.

on one end or the other.

personally, i’ve been both the culprit and the victim. i’ve done the fighting. i’ve let down my pride, putting everything and more on the line. complete vulnerability (and honestly--i wouldn’t recommend this--ever--but props to those who do) offering to give that other person just about anything they desired. whether it was the beaches or the mountains bending rivers...i would have found a way.

whew.

and then--sadly--i’ve also been the bad guy.

the one that hurts the other. and then leaves them to figure out a way through their tears and aching gut.

i hate being that.

truly, if there is one thing i hate in this world--it is that.

it’s an odd thing, isn’t it? that we can become so close to someone and want it so badly, and yet still find ourselves standing amongst the remains of a shattered relationship.

in fact, i have a dear friend.

a person who was very close to me at a time. who recently experienced a most devastating heartache.

he lost a merciless fight. offering everything he could in hopes of salvaging a relationship.

finding himself with a head--once held high with enthusiasm for life--now dropped in heaviness of a lost and painful cause.

yuck-y.

it seriously gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it. i start thinking to hard and i begin re-living the sleepless nights of tear-stained pillow cases and vivid nightmares. wondering why your story couldn’t end like the ones you grew up reading in nancy drew books and the babysitters’ club.

i mean, they are poorly written books but still. you can’t help but wonder.

you ask yourself. again and again. why?

trying to figure what you did wrong. wishing you could go back. wishing that you could change. just like in this song.

just like my friend has recently experienced, it can be devastating. and at times. relationships will end.

however, this song is interesting because the lyrics don’t necessarily lead you to believe that this struggling-slightly-imbalanced relationship ends.

the last two lines go something like this.

while i go gas up the truck, pack the old love letters up. we will read them when we forget why we left here.

curious, eh?

the ending of this song is what i love and hate most about it. all at the same time.

because in a way--this is simple and beautiful. bringing the reality of an ongoing effort to keep a relationship progressing. happy. and loving.

and in that same way--it captures a reality that haunts me on a daily basis. that though love itself is a perfect thing, relationships and human beings are not.

and even the most seemingly perfect of relationships have their trials.

because the fact of the matter is--one day you will forget why you are where you are and possibly question who you are with. you will need to pull out those old love letters. take a nice breather. and then get back up and keep on fighting.

you’ll do what it takes.

because that’s what we do.

when all is said and done...

yeah, relationships don’t always work out. no matter how hard you fight it. people will disagree. lose interest. lose hope. feel lost. whatever.

you’ll wish you could go back and change. but it won’t matter.

it will suck.

but then. there are sometimes that relationships will work.

and though the fight to keep that love-a-growin’ will never stop. and yes, you can tattoo that one on your forearm.

in the end. it’s worth all the beaches that this pretty-little-world has to offer.

and that darling, is a reality i most definitely believe in.

Incredible Keen. And if it's the beaches you want, I know one day you will have them.

GENTRI LEE - Featherstone

Two guest posts in a row. I feel legit. I actually have blog friends. This time Gentri Lee will be gracing us with her wonderful taste in music. She also is a pro blogger. Anyone visiting from Gentri's blog, I am sorry it is not as cool as Gentri's. I am trying. Anyways, without further ado, here is Gentri Lee.

Hello Aaron's blog!

My name is Gentri and I blog over at Gentri Lee. My blog is about... well, me. I usually write about my adventures with daily life, adventures with not so daily life, fashion, and sometimes I throw in crafts and recipes (success or fail).

I also love to post about what inspires me. Whether that be something someone else posted about, someone else's blog in general, spiritual inspiration, or even musical...

Aaron asked me to share a song that I'm loving at the moment and why I love it. Well, I know he just shared this one, but it's my current favorite. AND let's be honest- I'm the reason Aaron knows about it. haha! So first, have a listen (and take a look). Because it may just change your life.


Amazing right?! I love this song so much. It makes me feel like anything is possible, like adventure could be waiting around every corner. I am already picturing my next road trip with this song blaring through my speakers. haha!

I LOVE music and get so excited when I find a new artist that I can't get enough of. So tell me, what's a song or artist you're loving right now??

Thank you so much for reading! I'd love for you to stop by my blog anytime and say hi! Meeting new blog friends is one of my favorite things. And thank you Aaron for letting me guest post!

Love,
Gentri

Thank you Gentri Lee, for your amazing taste in music and being you!

EMMA K. - Weighty Ghost

I am very honored to have the wonderful and youthful Emma K. guest posting. She owns the title of the very first guest post on this blog. Please follow here over at her blog prettymuchalmost.

Take it away Emma K.

Hello, readers of this here blog. My name is Emma and I'm from the blog Follow Me to Happiness. It's a quaint little place if you care to stop by sometime. As for me, I'm an English major who loves baking, Jane Austen, and a good BBC period drama. I'm just trying to figure out life one moment at a time. Seeing as I feel like Aaron has much more experience than me in this thing called life, I feel very honored to be posting today.

Aaron threw me the idea of guest posting a while ago, and I decided it would be something new and exciting, so I eagerly awaited the assignment. Then he sent me a FB message telling me that he thought it would be cool if I listened to a song then wrote about what I think it's saying about life and I stopped in my tracks. Maybe I couldn't do this. But then I began listening to the song he sent over and reading over all the lyrics, and I decided I would give it a stab in the dark. So here is that stab.

The song is Weighty Ghost by Wintersleep. I had never heard to song before, but when I pulled it up, I instantly fell in love; then I really listened to the lyrics and I got a bit confused. Then I listened again, read again, repeated this about five times, stared at my computer, told Aaron I was working on the post, stared at my computer, listened again, and really began writing. Let's just say it took a long time for me to decide what this song meant to me.

As I listened to the song, I realized it was a perfect song for those days in life, when you just... well, you just can't really understand what has been going on with you lately. Here's an example from my life- it happened on Monday. I was on Facebook and noticed that a boy was on. The thing is, this wasn't just like a boy who I could chat and be like, "Hey Chum! How ya doing this fine winter day?! ;)" First off, I don't use wink faces. Second, this boy was a boy I had really hurt and so it was hard for me to talk to him, but it was also hard (much harder I know) for him to start talking to me. As I stared at his name on the screen, I realized, that I wasn't the same person I used to be. It was one of those moments when I just felt like posting as my status, "Has anybody seen the Emma who really cares about everyone and just wants to make people happy? She apparently became a ghost."

I feel that's exactly what the song means. It's about waking up and realizing the person you were is gone, for good or for bad. And sometimes, like the last verse says, we just want to be left alone with our body and the ghost of ourselves gone. And sometimes, we just want that ghost to come back home to us.

I'm realizing more and more that it's ok to have our ghost gone for a little while. It's ok to be wandering around figuring out what we need, on our own, with no one's surgery and messy fixing of things. It's ok to say, where is that person that I used to know? Because if there's anything that I've learned in life, it's that it's ok to be wrong, and to not know where you going, and to figure it all out. It's ok to be lost for a little bit, because eventually, you and your ghost will reunite in a way that's much better for both of you. And that's what life is about, improving.

Love always,

Ems

Thank you Emma K. I hope everyone is now looking for their ghost.

Aching for my heart like some tin man.

I am excited for the guest posts this week from some of my blogger friends Gentri Lee, Keen, and Emma K. I wanted to experiment with something so I asked each of them to write about a song that they are diggin' as of late. I thought I would start off the series of guest post with my own thoughts on a song.

Stable Song - Gregory Alan Isakov

I have to thank Keen for introducing me to the great Gregory Alan Isakov. He is truly brilliant. The first time I heard this song it took me to a place, I can't tell if that place was somewhere in the past or somewhere in the future. I just remember the place, that's all.

It was under a tree somewhere out in the countryside. There was a barn in the distance. It was a mild June day. I was sitting under this tree with some girl, who it was I do not know, your guess is as good as mine. I knew her though in this place. We had memories and futures together. Age wasn't important. Time didn't exist under this tree. It was just us. It consumed everything.

The song ended too quickly and I realized reality again. I was back to where I was when the song started, sitting the library with no progress on my math homework and realizing I had been staring out the window for ten minutes. All I had was this place.

You know, music has a way of taking you places you never could of imagined by yourself. This song is the perfect example for me. Who knows what it will mean to me a year, two years, ten from now? For now, it's sitting under a tree with her, who consumes my periphery when I close my eyes and hear this song. I don't know who she is. I don't even know what she looks like. I see her somehow though.

And maybe this will be a song that will foretell something about my future or explain something about my past. I don't know. I do think though that it is showing me something that I truly want. Someday, I hope I find her, whoever she is. And when I do, our songs will be just like prayers.

And so in the meantime...

"Come down, come down. Sweet Reverence. Unto my simple house and ring... and ring." - Gregory Alan Isakov

Under a tree,

A romanced mumbler.

Big things

Good things coming this week. Hope you all enjoy... Mysteries. They keep me awake. I hope they sing you to sleep. Don't let me become too wrapped up in myself. Stop the things I am becoming. Help. Help me make sense of non sense. Oh I look forward to the words which will come this week.

Anticipate!

EXPECT!!!

wisdom....