I just don't understand these things.

So here I am. I promise more writings, more thoughts. They are just scattered in oblivions unknown to me. Sometimes I wish I could write about nothing of substance, but who am I to assume my writings mean anything to anyone else but myself. A bold assumption indeed. Keep to myself and I will be safe but I never got anywhere by playing it safe. Safety is my biggest vice it seems, or at least the desire for it.

Valentines Day is upon us once again. The one day to celebrate success to those received the prize promised and to remind everyone else of the constant failure love has to offer. We drug ourselves with all these love stories and we start thinking irrationally. As if one day could change it. One day to turn it all around and for everyone to realize they are in love. Irrational. Unacceptable. I just don't understand these things. Maybe they are not for me to understand. Someday? Sometimes I think never.

I hate to think such cynical thoughts. I feel like I am just turning into a bitter prick. 'Oh son, why are you so bitter? Life has been good to you, I'd hate for you to throw away all your hope away just because of the fickle things life has to offer, like love and romance.'

Life has been good to me. I see some people struggle so much more than me and yet are so content with what they have, with who they have. I feel guilty for my desires sometimes when I see everything that has unfolded in my favor. So why do I yearn for something that is completely out of my control? My greatest bet is my humanity. I am just a man, nothing incredible. I was born with inherant weakness and yearnings.

And then I realize the bigger scope. I come to discover my plans are just planned out mistakes. What am I ever to do? Someone restrain me from jumping into the future, for the future is the cliff which I must avoid at the moment.

"But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and suddenly it is clear to see it's not them but me, who has lost my self identity. As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve" - Bright Eyes

And there are some things which I just don't understand at the moment, and all I can hope is that through success and failures it will all become clear. Yet, I use trite expressions to hide in the meantime, since I am so insecure about the answers I don't know. But then I realize something, 'I don't know' is perfectly acceptable answer sometimes. And so this time, all I have to say is 'I don't know'.

Waiting on answers,

Little Lion Man