Top tens, maybe top fives...

Sometimes I make top ten lists, just for fun. I do it to pass the time. I do it prioritize. I do it just cause. So here are some top tens, and some top fives because some lists aren't worth being having ten spots.

Top ten albums that define me (this list constantly changes and they are in no particular order, that would make this list impossible)

1. The Devil & God Are Raging Inside Me-Brand New

This album is genius and hard to listen to. It racks your soul, but that is a defining trait of great music. You keep thinking about it long after the song is over, it makes you look inside yourself. This may be my favorite album of all time. Key tracks: Millstone, You Won't Know, Archers

2.So Much For The Afterglow-Everclear

I know, its a drastically different from anything Brand New has done but you must understand where I came from. Everclear was my first legit favorite band. I had all their cds. I know the words to all their songs. Not a lot of kids my age liked Everclear or even knew who they were but I did and it made me feel cool, unique, like I knew something. Everything with me and music started with Everclear. Bless them.

3.Tell All Your Friends-Taking Back Sunday

I remember buying this cd. I had just turned 16, I was sophmore in high school. I was weird smelly teenager, awkward and was just looking for a place to fit in. I decided music was gonna be my thing. I wasn't good at any sports. I am not an artist. I still consider myself void of almost any talent. So I decided I would be that kid who knew obscure bands and didn't listen to the radio. I walked into Target that day to buy the White Stripes album Elephant. I got it then just scanned through some of the other cds. I saw this cd by taking back sunday and thought to myself "I've seen a lot of the punk kids wearing taking back sunday shirts lately. I guess this is what all the fuss is about." So I went out on a limb and bought it. One of the best random buys I have ever made and totally altered my course in music and pretty much my high school journey from there on out. Just FYI, I grew out of my emo phase a long time ago and am so glad I did. But I still love those bands, but for more nostalgic reasons. I still listen to the music of my youth.

Key Tracks: You Know How I Do, Great Romances of the 20th Century, Timberwolves At New Jersey. Basically just listen to the whole album through.

4. Stay What You Are-Saves The Day

I remember a conversation I had when I was on my mission. My buddy and I were talking about what album we would choose if we could only have one album to listen during the mission that wasn't Mo-tab or EFY p-day music. I chose this one hands down. Saves The Day is one of my all time favs and this album is near perfection. I love every song on this album. This album makes me lose track of time when I listen to it. I like that. Plus I love the lyrics, very unique and creative. Key Tracks: This Is Not An Exit, Firefly, At Your Funeral

5. Hi, Everything's Great-Limbeck

This album is summer, plain and simple. It also it a road trip album, a summer road trip album. Every song instantly puts me in a good mood and makes me grateful for friends and good conversation. If you want to bring in the summer, listen to this album and just drive. Love this album. That is all. Amen

6. Interventions & Lullabies - The Format

This album reminds me of my senior year. It was playing constantly in my ear. The songs were catchy and some of the songs had a slight twang to it. I loved it. Plus, I found out about Limbeck through the format. Good music leads you to better music, that's my theory.

7.Deja Entendu-Brand New

I remember buying this cd after hearing one song "The Quiet Things That No-one Ever Knows". I remember listening to the rest of the album and thinking "I don't get it. In fact, this cd sucks save this one song."I shelved it for 4 months. Then one day I put it in the cd player and just gave it a try. This time, I heard it as genius. Jesse Lacey writes lyrics like no other. I am glad I gave this album a second shot because it changed the way I looked at music, and basically everything else for that matter.

8. Several Arrows Later-Matt Pond PA

This album always reminds me of fall. It sounds like leaves changing colors and crisp air. If I had to list an album for each season it would be these four: Spring: Slow Motion Daydream-Everclear Summer: Hi, Everything's Great-Limbeck Fall: Several Arrows Later-Matt Pond PA Winter: Deja Entendu-Brand New

9. Something To Write Home About-The Get Up Kids

Just a good album, reminds me of feeling youthful. I like it, alot.

10. Is a Real Boy...-Say Anything

Max Bemis is one of my favorite lyricists. Very tongue in cheek. Witty. Funny. Shamefully Honest. Say yes to say anything.

Honorable mentions: Chutes Too Narrow-The Shins, Is This It?-The Strokes, The Wild Hunt-Tallest Man On Earth, Worse For the Wear-The New Amsterdams, A Rush of Blood to the Head-Coldplay, and too many others to name...

Enjoy what is meant to be enjoyed and ignore that which was meant to distress. Summer is almost here. Get ready for it...

Share your tops tens, not just music but anything...

Prioritizing,

A postcard from the lost (in the music)

No Envy, No Fear

"Brother, we all see. You are hiding out so painfully. See yourself come out to play. A lover's rain will wash away your envy and your fear. So have no envy, no fear..."- Joshua Radin

Remember basketball on the playground

Remember the long talks

Remember the music

Remember Garden State

Remember the letters

Remember the summer

Remember please?

I am just scared you forgot...

"This is not how I want to be forgotten."-Matt Pond PA

People come and go, that is one of the hardest parts of life, especially when it is people that have been in your life for a time worth noting. It is the best friend getting married, the grandparent making their peace and leaving for a better place, never to return, only to wait for you to come to them. It is the child growing up, it is the realization that you both have changed. It is the realization it will never be like it was before. What you thought was the present has become the past, and you realize you don't know where you are anymore, you aren't even sure of yourself.

I remember thinking what life would be like when I was 22, 23, 24.... I had such a big dreams, big plans, big expectations. Now all I have is worry and what could have beens. Then again, life was never meant to be scripted, something I have painfully learned through experience.

"What was so easy in the evening, by the morning is such a drag..."-Bright Eyes

I just miss some people. I always wanted to grow up someday, I just didn't want to grow up alone. I always want people to stay, I don't like leaving.

If I had a chance to talk to you, I'd tell you it's ok, we all have fear. I'd remind you of who you are. I'd remind you of how envious I have been of you at times. I'd let you know that some things just aren't worth the time anymore since you left. Sometimes I find myself wanting to laugh, but you aren't there to join me. Laughing isn't what it used to be since you aren't around. You weren't around to talk basketball at all this season. I wish there was someone around me that was as excited about the playoffs as I am, or even someone just to watch them with. Is it ok to say that I miss you? Is it ok to say people need you? That I need you around? What about our plans? Moving in next to each other? Our kids were supposed to grow up to be best friends. Now I even wonder if you will be around for when our brother gets married. We have been waiting for you to come home. Please come home.

"We all want to tell you we wish that you were still around"-Matt Pryor

I just want my friend back. I just don't want to lose anyone anymore. I don't want anyone else to leave. But I guess that is what growing up is, people leaving... I want to do all the things I need to, I just don't know if I can do it alone.

"Everyday we try to find. We search our hearts and our minds. The place we used to call our home can't be found when we're alone. So have no envy and no fear. No envy and no fear..."-Joshua Radin

You said come home

and I told you I would in time

one day i'll be back to make peace

and fill my chair at the dinner table

to let you know where I have been

and what I saw

all the while I was gone

I was thinking of you

and all the tales that would make you proud of me

So for now, all I have is books and a pen

and a guitar that isn't much good in my hands

I do still have my plans and my dreams

in fact, that's all I have anymore...

"I didn't want to go home but I like my home now"-Limbeck

Remain,

A postcard from the lost (but will be found in time)

P.S. Listen to this during your travels, let me know what you think...

check it out here.

Pointless

It's Wednesday... it appeared out of no where. I lose track of time sometimes. Sometimes I think its theraputic to lose track of time. When you forget time, growth becomes more natural. It is less forced. Things come in their own way, and often we forget to also let them come in their own time. Everyone has their own clock. I feel like my second hand skips at time and gets stuck at others.

"Days bunch up in weeks, collaborate in months against me"-The Honorary Title

It's days like this that you wonder how time crept up on you this fast, or how you got to the place you are at. It could be the fact I have a huge paper to do that I have seriously procrastinated. It could be the fact that days have turned into nights and nights turned into days. Insomnia or anxiety... what is the difference? The end result is the same: Fatigue.

Worrying leads to restlessness

Restlessness turns into insomnia

Insomnia produces loneliness

Loneliness ruins sunshine

"Sometimes I get so lonely I forget what day it is, and how to spell my own name"-Lars and the Real Girl (I rediscovered the genius of that movie. Rediscovery is almost as good as the the initial discovery. It's like finding yourself again or seeing a good friend after years of separation. It's a reunion of you and truth.)

I have this research paper to do for English. I should be excited though, this is my last English class then I am done. I chose the topic of the possibilities of a another cold war taking place should the internet become a human right. At first I felt really intelligent coming up with a topic like that. Right now, regret is setting in as it feels impossible to find sources that will help support my argument, or even dis-prove it for that matter. What was I thinking? I feel ambitious sometimes but over achieving has never been my talent.

This is my constant flow of thought. Pointless, random, and never unique. I just talk to console myself, and to help me realize I am still breathing and there are still things to be grateful for.

I am lost... or at least someone told me I should be.

This is is just ramblings, grumblings, thoughts.

Sorry I wasted your time,

A postcard from the lost

Just to laugh...

I hope you laughed...

Water Run...

"Lord, I'd follow to the river bend, water run over me.

I'd follow to the river bed as long as these eyes can see.

I'd follow You anywhere You go, Lord, watch over me.

I'd follow You into the river bed, water run over me."-Joshua James

I miss innocence. I miss the way I used to be. I miss the people. I miss faith. I miss my Father...

"Weep for yourself my man, you will never be what is in your heart. Weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start. Rate yourself and rake yourself. Take all the courage that you have left and waste it on fixing all the problems you have made in your own head"-Mumford & Sons

"I used to sleep without a single stir because I was about my Father's work."-Brand New

I was thinking the other day about faith and how I always feel I lack it, that I almost feel empty of it. It's a depressing thought to have. Yet I wonder, have I ever had faith? Am I selling myself short? Do I have the wrong idea entirely? I get up every morning, some mornings are harder than others, but I still get up. I go to school even though I still have no clue what I am going to do. I still worry, I still doubt. I still have faith though, I think. It's just not perfect. Oh how far away it is from perfect.

"I said I could rise from the harness of our goals. Here come the tears, but like always I let them go..."-Tallest Man on Earth

I have been witness to some very sacred and beautiful things in Life. I have seen the hand of the Lord in many areas of my life. I have seen His hand in many others life. The Lord has been kind and patient with me. I wish I were as patient with myself as He is with me. I just want to make Him proud, to do what He needs me to do. I am just trying to figure it all out... I am going as fast as I can.

"Moving mountains ain't no thing to me. I have faith enough to cast them to the sea. But I don't know the first thing about love..."-Thrice

Where I have found God:

In a concert hall when I was 15

In a classroom

Driving on I-15 and just thinking

Overlooking Las Vegas from a window talking to a friend

In a blessing

In the Lonestar state

Late at night kneeling on an apartment floor

In a testimony of a dear friend

In the Word of the Lord

In the words of His prophets

In the river

In His house

In my father's strength

In my mother's voice

In a letter

In trials

In you...

"And I said "Oh my Lord, why am I not strong? Like the wheel that keeps travelers traveling on? Like the wheel that will take you home?'" - Tallest Man On Earth

I still wish for strength. I hope for good things. I have faith that things will work out, sometimes I just have to keep calm. I pray, or at least I try. I just hope the blessings will balance out the hard. I pray for a new lens. I pray for new sight. For renewed optimism. For faith...

"Now that I have to come to think of it, there is no practical problem before me at all. I know the two great commandments. I better get on with them"-C.S. Lewis

I think I just need to keep on trying. Things will come in His own time. If He let me have all the things needed only when I wanted them, I would be in a far deeper hole than I think I am already in. My wisdom is still in it's infancy. I will hand my understanding over to Him. I think that is my answer for faith, at least for now: Just keep trying, keep moving.

"Everyone get's what they want too fast these days. No one knows the way to make things last."-Joshua Radin

Lord, please be patient with me. Help me be patient with time. Help time be patient with me.

I am sorry for being late and for faltering. I am trying...

Praying,

A postcard from the lost (and longing to come home)

"My angel flies and carries all my fears."-New Amsterdams

Opening Day

It was opening day today, the major league baseball season has started. To me, it means spring has arrived. The long winter has come to an end... I made it.

I hope this summer brings some sun to ease the burden winter has put on all of us. This winter was long, dark, and trying. I probably have some form of seasonal affective disorder, but doesn't everyone? I do appreciate some things about winter, but after Christmas and the new year, I find the cold weather and snow pointless. I feel like summer is nature's reward to us for making it to winter. I love summer, everyday feels like Saturday, even Mondays. Spring is the beginning.

If your strife strikes at your sleep

Remember spring swaps snow for leaves

You'll be happy and wholesome again

When the city clear and the sun ascends - Mumford & Sons

It just felt good being alive today. It felt good just to feel the sun. I sat out on the balcony and just felt the air. I turned up the music and rolled down the windows. Life seemed to turn a page today, everyone seemed excited. We made it through winter, alive... that is reason enough to celebrate for me.

Can you feel it?

It's here

I'm here

You are here

it's time to enjoy each other

it's time to talk...

I have no expectations for the summer, I am not putting pressure on it like I have in years past. I am just going to let it happen and enjoy every second of it. I want to experience it fully, for what it really is. I intend on doing certain things, like seeing the great pacific and enjoying the summer nights. I hope for good conversation. I hope for friendship. I hope for love. I hope for family. I hope for you... let's talk and take a long drive. There could be a group of us, we could talk about music, books, thoughts on time and the weird things that make for good memories. We could create something. I see opportunities. Do you? Let summer swallow us whole...

Loving,

A postcard from the lost (but finding the sun)

P.S. Road trips were meant for the summer as a means to get to the ocean. That's just my opinion

"Tonight will go on forever while we walk around this town like we own the streets, and stay awake through summer like we own the heat..."-Brand New