Life After The World Is Over

The countdown came and went and I'm still here. I made it through another prediction. Now, I can breath just a slight sigh of relief.

I'll admit I was nervous about the end of the world prediction. Just a tad, though. I think it's just my anxious mind wondering "Could this crazy guy be right? I mean, everyone called Noah crazy, only his family and two of each animal believed him, and look at what happened!" However, I am glad I know that I have a Heavenly Father that is aware of me and that I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ (learn more here), which doesn't make me afraid but provides comfort, in good times and bad. God is good, in a temporal and eternal sort of way.

We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.-C.S. Lewis

However, all this end of the world stuff made me think, was I really ready for it all to end? I mean, I know in the long run eternity exists and whatever exists matters for something, as to what everything means, I think that will take many long walks and quiet nights to figure out. I do know that all that matters is that I am actually looking, asking and trying to listen.

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.-C.S. Lewis

I think there is always some conflict in every soul, at least in every soul who believes in the Father of their soul and believes they have a home which defines happiness in every sense of the word. That conflict of what we want and what we believe God will is for us. I know that for some, the fear is the will of God has nothing that interest or incentive to them other than a heavenly reward and a clear conscious. I know I have often wondered that for myself. However, I have often that thought that what truly makes us happy and what is God's will often overlap and are truly the same thing. After all, God's desire is for us to be as happy as He is. His intentions for us cannot be adequately described as 'for our own good'. It is not just our own good he has in mind, it's our joy, in the past, present and future.

Joy is the serious business of heaven- C.S. Lewis

And now that I come to think of it, those things which I desire most is those things which most are those thing which I know God would approve of. I desire family, friendship, truth, beauty, creation, peace; the things will never grow old to the soul and refine in taste as time accumulates it's value.

There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you serious. It is too good to waste on joke- C.S. Lewis

However, I think those things that makes us happy never just fall into our lap. It's always seems to fall into the lap of those who don't care and seems to evade those who try so desperately to attain it. The pain and trials seem to make no sense. However, when I am able to step back and look at everything with clear eyes, I realize that this was part of the plan He had all along. Pain is the price tag of those things which we hold dear to our hearts. Again, I think C.S. Lewis puts it best

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be rung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping your heart in tact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Rap it carefully with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your own selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not become broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irreedemable. The alternative to tragedy or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is in hell-C.S. Lewis

Knowing those dangers, it makes me scared, but my yearning for things of eternity are far greater than any fear that may arise in me. I will wish and strive for those things which will bring me happiness, which will bring me eternity; family, friends, love, words, truth...

And the pain I experience now and in the past will one day be the best part of the story, it will only be a prelude to better things that came. And for now, I will be content knowing that one day, this will only be a verse to the song, not the chorus.

It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers-Gordon B. Hinckley (I miss him dearly)

So I'll continue to hear the predictions about the end of the world and the destruction everyone seems to be so obsessed with. And in the midst of all the madness, I will try and clear the smoke from my eyes and see what is truly worthwhile in the world. And then me and you will sit and enjoy each other and the everything good in the world... I look forward to these conversations.

Eager to live,

A postcard from the lost( but not necessarily hopeless)

I think this song captures the true meaning of joy, family and love...

Have you seen my ghost?

"So that's how I learned the lesson that everyones alone and you eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow. But when crying don't help, you can't compose yourself, it's best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope."-Bright Eyes

Chance is what I count on and how I make it through. Found a ghost in my bedroom and quickly found a friend. Said all the things I was scared to say just to say them. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and cleared the cob webs from inside my head. Dealt with life and death day in and day out, thought I would come away stronger but I just came away exhausted. Put one foot in front of the other only to jump backwards. This was the high wire act to which I had been attempting to scale. Kept on thinking of the books I was meaning to read and the things I was trying to write but only could see.

I was up in Seattle recently, I wish I could say the same for my mind. I intend to enjoy the city in it's fullness next time I am up there. I will walk around Pikes market and pretend I am an intellectual or some bohemian that lives in the city and creates things no one can really understand. I will enjoy the rain. I will feel things I want to feel, I will see the goodness of things. My mind was off worrying about the pointless yet again and robbed me of a good time. Worrying is just a bad habit that is so hard to break.

"Are you some kind of medicine man? Cut the demons out of my head"-Wintersleep

Doctor, please help me find myself again? I fell off a cliff trying to be hero to a person who never bothered to notice. I fell down to the bottom and it hurts to get back up, so I have stayed here sending letters and seeking recommendations, reading books and convincing myself that they were all wrong. And I stare off into space for hours as I mull over scary movies inside my head. I wonder about time and pain and which will be the first to end. I wonder about myself and all my friends. I wonder about all the letters that were returned back to me. I wonder what it feels like to feel free. So Doctor, please don't prescribe me a light blue or tiny white pill, just give me a reason to feel hope and make time stand still. Doctor, Doctor, see me through, or anyone who claims to heal the lame and crippled.

On other notes, music has been found that is quite great, check out this!

Or this....

And finally this (maybe my favorite jazz moment of all time) This one ain't bad either (check it out)

The jazz got the number 3 pick, life can't be all bad.

Waiting for the draft,

A postcard from the lost (and looking for my ghost)

P.S. Be good to people, don't be like this guy....

Mom

It is a couple hours into mothers day and my mom is sitting next to me watching the biography channel and I am writing this dedicatory post to her, she has no clue I am writing about her. She thinks I am on facebook (which is true, but this is where my concentration lies for the time being).

Mothers Day is a special day, after all it is one of two days I got to call home on my mission. That shows how important the day is, and most importantly, how important my mom is.

I have the best mom in the world but more importantly, I have the best mom for me. A lot of the time I don't need to say anything, she can tell exactly what is going on with me just from the look on my face or by the way my voice sounds. My mom knows me better than anyone.

I am also lucky to have a mom that is a mom to a lot of other people than just her kids. Her maternal instincts stretch far beyond blood lines and reaches anyone who just needs a mother figure at a particular point and time and don't have one available for one reason or another. My mom is on call 24/7 for anyone that just needs a mom.

Most importantly, I have never once ever felt like my mom wasn't there for me, and I know that in the crazy world we live in today, I am beyond lucky to have the mom I have, especially lately. The sea has been especially rough and everything before me just seems to terrify me. How grateful I am to have my mom there, to let me know everything will be fine. I think the moment that defines my mom and me the best was when I left on my mission. When the time came to say goodbye, I was more scared than I ever had been in my life. I didn't know if I could do it. I was terrified. I started crying like I was 3 years old again, I was just so scared. My mom was of course crying, cause that's what moms do, especially when they send their little boys off to help others for two years. As I hugged my mom for the last time, all I could say was "Mom, I am scared." What she said next got me through every discouragement and fear during those two years and have always been in the back of my mind whenever life gets a little more difficult than I expected. "I know you are scared, but I wouldn't let you go if I didn't think you were ready."

Those words are the only thing that could have gotten me through the door and on my to one of the best experiences of my life. I realized that day that any courage I have ever showed in my life is because my mother believed in me. No one else inspires me to believe in myself like my mom. She is the only reason I keep trying sometimes, because I know that if my mom knows believe in me, then there just might be a chance everything will turn out better than I expected.

Mom, you are my courage. Thanks for being my mom.

Grateful,

A postcard from the lost (but proud to be the son of an incredible mother)

"Mother: the most beautiful word on the lips on mankind"- Kahlil Gibran