It rained today, at least it wasn't snow... the finish line is close I can feel it. I wish I could rush time, or hibernate till early April. This winter feels like it has lasted years. I always come out of winter feeling aged, jaded, tired... This winter has been especially cold. I have fought the darkness and the light is starting to emerge. Then again... I am still fighting off the panic. Good things come with time, I just have to give time a chance to do it's work.
Time is pain
Time is healing
Time is patience
Time is frustration
Time will bring me you... eventually
at least I hope
"Well take it easy, tigers in a cage
We're pacing on our pads and waiting
For the time to come in reverie
Our lazy bones ache for our dowry"-Brand New
I spent the night talking to you and it played over like a tape. You just kept talking and still I couldn't be satisfied. I thought about our plans, where we were supposed to go. We had an apartment full of maps. What we needed were journals. I wish there were warnings for these type of things. I wanted to it be everything. I don't know what was more devastating, you leaving me on the street corner or me realizing it didn't matter. I found out I changed. I'm sorry but our paths differ...
"What we invented I am now ending"-Brand New
I think at this time in life... everyone just wants to know that everything will be alright. It's not so much that I need all the answers in front of me or even some of them. I just wish to know everything will be alright. Maybe it is my anxiety, my OCD brain needing to know every little detail of how everything is going to play out. I just want to know everything will play out for the best. However, I realized that the best things in life come in surprise packages. It is the days when you find yourself driving down the highway, having nowhere to go but still trying to escape the world for a few hours. Trying to find yourself on a long stretch of road with only music to talk to... This is where I make my plans. This is is my map, my map of uncertainty...
"On the back of a motorbike, with your arms outstretched trying to take flight, leaving everything behind. But even at our swiftest speeds, we couldn't break from the concrete, from the city where we still reside..."-Death Cab for Cutie
The answers I wish:
My home
her
where should i be
the traps
the job
the location
you...
The answer i know:
I know nothing...
"The future's got me worried such awful thoughts. My heads a carousel of pictures, the spinning never stops."-Bright Eyes
The truth is the future terrifies everyone... I am nothing unique. I have just written something that has been penned to paper a thousand times before. Add this to the list of thousands...
You will be ok...,
A Postcard from the lost
"Let the wind blow us to wherever it says we are supposed to go"-Joshua Radin
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