Unusual. I am not one to give his take on fashion. But when I see something I like, I like it, alot. On that note. I have a cousin named Jenny. She is very chic and cool along with my cousin Cara. I feel legit whenever I am hangin' out with them, like I am young a successful instead of just young and broke. Jenny married a legit guy. His name is Gibran Hamden (He played in the NFL for a little while, in case you didn't know). His swagger matches that of Ryan Gosling. The guy has it figured out. He always dresses to the nines. He is the cat's meow. Even better, he can improve anyone else's swagger level to all time highs if they follow his advice. He knows the styles. He knows what style makes you look like you. And he even has his own fashion line of men's dress polos called Alial Fital. Check it out.
Larry Fitzgerald! Alial Fital fan! (He also came through big for me this week in fantasy football, just sayin'.)
Yeah that's Matt Hasslebeck sportin' Alial Fital,
Glitzy Fitzy, lovin' it!
Even Grandpa Don loved Alial Fital. The old man knew style. ( That's my cousin Jenny on the left )
My other cousin Rachel's husband Craig Terrill, also plays in the NFL (current free agent). Am I just name dropping? Sure sounds like it. I'll shut up and let the fashion do the talking.
Gibran Hamdan. The man. The stylist. The vision.
And finally, yours truly.
And so it goes. While I will never be a swagger hound like Ryan Gosling or Gibran Hamdan, at least I learn from the best.
"Good times and you can feel it in the fashion." - Atmosphere
Mortality hits someone like a ton of bricks, whether it is you faced with your own passing or someone that has always been there since day one of your life. It has hit me and my family quick and hard this last month as our most loved and cherished grandpa Don aka Donald aka the don father has passed on to the other side, a joyous time for him I am sure as he is reunited with grandma Shirley once again. I am sure he even had a joke to tell everyone else who was there welcoming him home, and I am sure even the Lord chuckled just a little bit. The embraces and reunions on the other side are sweet and yet it is bittersweet to all of us still here, in the world. And the world seems a little less like home now that grandpa isn't here to tell us we are looking well or to stay sober. However, I do know this. Families are eternal. My grandfather didn't die today, he just merely passed on. And while the goodbyes are hard and somber, I know it is not final. Much like it was when I left on my mission. It was hard and painful to say goodbye but we knew it was only for a time. It is the same now as my grandpa passes through the veil and sees my grandma and says "Shirley, it sure is good to be with you again."
But for us in the meantime, I know we wish for communication, comfort and guidance. We wish for visits here and there. We just wish for them, in anyway, shape or form we can reach them. And they will be there, in the middle...
Grandpa...
Will you meet me in the middle like you said?
When I find that girl who I just can't help but love with all my heart. The one who will be to me what grandma was to you.. Will you be there? I hope I can tell you how special she really is, because we know she will have to be saint to put up with somebody like myself (I know you are laughing right now). I hope I can tell you everything about her and everything we have planned. I hope you are there to listen and smile. So will you meet me in the middle then like you said?
Will you meet me in the middle of the night?
I know life will get tough for me at times because that is just life. But I knew life was never too bad to not appreciate a joke and to appreciate the fact that things get better and if you can laugh, life is not that bad. So for when the times do come that the seas are rough and I seem to stumble, will you meet me in the middle of the night for a joke, a laugh and the comforting words "love ya kid." Will you meet me in the middle of the night then? (And make sure to bring grandma with you too, she makes you look better)
Will you meet me in the middle of the road?
I know right now there are tears on our side, a lot more than there are on the other side. Death is something that will come to all, it is all a door we must go through when the time that the chapter of mortality comes to an end. So when the time comes for each of us that we pass, will you meet us in the middle of the road?
In every passing, in every celebration, in every thing that awakes our souls, something is always constant: Family.
In the shade they will bring you home...
In the waves they will guide your boat...
In the grave they will meet our souls...
Yes, we will all meet in the middle someday.
And in the mean time, I at least have the knowledge that God is a loving father that wishes only to bless and enrich us. How do I know this? Because I had Don Binns for a grandfather. And for that I am eternally grateful. I was able to have him there for some of my most cherished moments in life, and I know he will continue to be there to smile with me when good things come my way and there to put his arm around me when life gets tougher than expected. He isn't dead, he just has simply passed on, moved away, and I know he will visit and keep in touch. That's just the way he is.
And I will continue to be grateful for all my family, immediate and extended.
For they are all that matters... Family isn't just everything, it's the only thing.
These things I know:
The Lord is good
My family is eternal
The soul is eternal, the body is mortal
That love can communicate through any barrier
That the purest form of love is found in family
I know these things to be true, because Heaven most likely looks like this...
Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow - Jeremiah 31:13
The sorrow is temporal
The joy is eternal
The joy is family...
Eternally,
The son. grandson. brother. nephew. cousin. a grateful member of an eternal family.
I can't help but think of the reunion that happened today when I hear these songs...
"I was living in a devil town. I didn't know it was a devil town. Oh Lord, it really brings me down about the devil town. All my friends were vampires, I didn't know they were vampires..." - Daniel Johnston
It is interesting the way I viewed the town of my youth as opposed to the way I view it now. It is weird to long for a place that at one time you couldn't wait to leave.
Yeah, I was one of those kids in high school who just hated everything about where he lived and took pride in his disdain. I still remember the first day of school my senior year. I was blaring "Another Brick in the Wall Pt.2" by Pink Floyd and enjoyed hating every minute of school. I had the worst attitude and was cocky about it. I felt it I was so above it, I was too mature to be wasting my time having school spirit and be involved in the dramatics of high school (I used to say how much I hated drama but for someone who proclaimed to hate it so much, I sure found a lot of it in stupid quantities. I was the cause sometimes but more often I would keep the flames going. An embarrassing phase of life to say the least). I just hated high school. And lately, a very weird thought has occurred. I wish I had a better attitude back then. I wish I would have lightened up. I was I would have enjoyed it for what it was worth.
Now, I am not saying I wish high school back. Hell no! I can honestly say not a day goes by that I am not thankful that those terribly confusing times are over. I am just wondering if I could have made it a little bit more bearable along the way. I wonder what I would say to my 16 or 17 year old self. I think I would just laugh and say 'Lighten up man. Live and let live. Chill out. It's not going to last forever. Enjoy it as much as you can'.
Other things I would tell him:
You are going to laugh about this in a few years
You are actually going to get good grades in college (Except that world history class you had. Don't worry, you'll know what I am talking about)
She isn't the one, neither is the next one that comes alone
You are going to have a very different outlook
The people that will matter in the long run are going to stick around
You are actually going to be friends with half these people
You are going to be embarrassed that you liked that band
You will be ok kid....
You are already ok....
Calm down.
Be yourself.
Love yourself a little bit.
"Turns out I was a vampire myself in the devil town" - Daniel Johnston
I realized that the biggest contributor to this little hell of mine was myself. I created it all in my head. I choose it. It was my doing. I was not a victim. I was the problem. I guess that is part of growing up though, realizing your mistakes, laughing it off and moving on. Sometimes the laughing part isn't so easy but it comes in time.
"So we bottled and shelved all our regrets, let the ferment and came back to our senses. Drove back home, slept a few days, woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be."- Straylight Run
I have found myself ending up in my old stomping grounds lately. Sometimes I start driving, intending to go stop by so and so or run this errand or that. I end up driving in circles around what used to be known as home to me. Memories flood my vision. I see the gas station where I would cut class with anyone and everyone (No joke here, I think my attendance percentage senior year was a little over 50%. I think everyone witnessed a small miracle when I walked across the stage at graduation. God bless BYU independent study). Kholers, the place to be on a Friday night if you were in junior high (at least back in my day, which was over ten years ago. Wow. Long time.) The spot that was our spot between us 4 friends. The spot where I got caught out after curfew when I was 14, with our back packs spilling over with toilet paper after a unsuccessful tee-pee run. The corner where it all ended. The park where it all started. The driveways where we used to gather. Night games. It's all so fresh in my mind, even though it was years ago.
I am coming to appreciate my home for what it is. It is my home where I met my closest friends. It is home where a lot of my family still is. The neighbourhood that raised me. The streets that carried me. The times that molded me. Yeah, I wouldn't change it. I wish I would have had perspective, but I wouldn't change it.
I had a great time in high school, only I am just starting to realize it.
Wednesday. The half way point. When you see the light at the end of the tunnel. The weekend is within reach.
What do my days consist of? Random thoughts. Spending too much time on random thoughts. Boredom, Urgency, False alarms and time.
So I am sitting in math class today. I honestly had no clue why I went. Every time I go to math the more confused I become. I will just sit there and soon my bewilderment turns to boredom. Some may ask "Well, be productive and do some other homework from another class." Did I do this? No, I did not. Instead I downloaded the Twitter app on my phone and created a Twitter account. I have no clue why. Everyone else seems to have one, so I followed the sheep off the cliff. My life never sleeps. I feel like I have an alter ego I have created. The Internet is the perfect way to lie about yourself. I hope I stay true to my inconsistent nature. But if you feel so inclined, follow me for obsessions and mumbles @iusedtobeaaron. I am not guarantying anything of value, all I guarantee is words.
I later decided on lunch at Costa Vida. In case people don't know yet, UVU is stepping up their game. They have a costavida and subway now with a pizza hut expected soon. It feels so ... modern? I have no clue what the word is for it. As I am eating my small salad with a wheat tortilla (that's right, I'm a whole grain kind of guy these days) a lady is walking down the hall singing opera. I like music but opera hurts my ears and my patience. I don't get it. This chick was looking down at her sheet music and just belting it as she walked down the hall. Oh, the characters of the world. It reminds me of this guy who walks around UVU campus with a guitar and just sings all day every day like he is changing the world one UVU soul at a time. He dresses like Johnny Rzeznik from the Goo Goo Dolls circa Dizzy Up the Girl album. It's like I am looking straight into 1998. It's a trip.
So I decide to productive around 6 and hit up my apt complex gym. I would hit up Gold's and then leave with low self esteem from all the tools on steroids but I just can't spend 28 dollars a month right now to maintain an inferiority complex. So I walk into the small little gym at the apt office building and someone is on the stationary bike I always ride. Mind you, this gym is small and ghetto so there are 2 bikes, 2 treadmills, an elliptical that doesn't works and mis-matched collection of dumbbells. So I pump some iron but truly, I just want to get on the bike, work up a sweat and call it a day. However, this lady is on the bike and she is barely pedaling. She is wrapped up in a book. How can some one read while they are trying to do cardio? How can anyone really do anything but listen to music and work up a sweat while working out? She was going so slow so would have burned just as many calories sitting on her couch and lifting her feet up and down. Oh yeah, and this guy was running on the treadmill in crocs. What the hell? Just go barefoot man. The fitness impaired make me shake my head sometimes. Not that I am a guru, I just know enough to know going for a jog in jeans and a pair of moccasins isn't a great idea. You'll ruin a perfectly good pair of Indian shoes.
I do enjoy my music while I am pumping the iron and trimmin' the fat.
Latest Digs:
Deep End - Swollen Members
Cinderella Man - Eminem
Kyla - Swollen Members
White Riot - The Clash
Sink - Brand New
Impatience gets the best of me too often. Let things come as the may in the time they choose.
Will I ever create something worthwhile?
Help me be me.
I just ramble on and on, why do I think anyone is even interested? I'm selfish in my sharing.
Do yourself a favor and don't take me seriously. I don't.
Scribbling. Wondering. Breathing,
Iusedtobeaaron
If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like - Garden State
Almost 3 years... yeah, it's been that long. Almost 3 years ago I stepped off a plane from the great state of texas and back into the chaos of real life. I thought it would be great, but it was a lot harder than I expected. I soon became homesick for a place that for two years had been my home, but it felt like it had been my home all my life. It's an interesting thing what can become home to a person. My homes scatter all over, yet seem also so close and connected.
News Flash: Rangers took a 3-2 lead in the world series. Yeah buddy! That's right. One more win and they are world champs. I take a little pride in my rangers. After all, I spent a solid six months serving in one of my favorite places on earth, Arlington, TX. Bless the people there. They are dear to me, even the ones that didn't like me (P.S. I want to make it very clear I am not a cowboys fan. I draw the line at a certain point. I have my teams. I stick with them. I hop on the occasional bandwagon. This year my bandwagon team is the Buffalo Bills. Why you ask? I ask Why Not? Their QB is a Harvard grad and Fred Jackson has produced 20 point games for me on my fantasy team week in and week out. It's not that hard to like them, as opposed to the Cowboys, who repeatedly under perform but yet they are in super bowl talks every year? Give me a break. Give me the Bills on every day that ends in a Y. ) I went to the Ballpark in Arlington twice. It is a classy place. It reminds you why baseball is America's pastime. I miss Texas. I always will.
Nolan Ryan is this big in real life...
"Some people say he was less than a god but more than a man. You know, like hercules or somethin' " -Sandlot
I beg for a World Series title for my Rangers, for I consider Texas my home. Just like I consider the mountains, Oregon, The desert of AZ, the tiny apt on Arkansas Lane, The coast, the house, the childhood friend, my brothers, my sister, the sun, the water, and you... Yes, I am home.
Standing on the edge of the great plains,
A boy who once was good and a man who is trying to get back to where he once was
I had a bad case of the mondays this week. Last weekend wasn't nearly long enough. This week went by fast yet very slowly at the same time. Now, I am doing laundry on a friday evening. I am cool. I guess I am grown up. Who knows? Who cares? I really don't know.
Falling
Guessing
Waiting
Worrying
Patience
Waiting
Content
Wondering
Grateful
Exhausted
Rejuvenated
Settled...
It's weird how many different feelings or thoughts may arise in a given week.
Just give yourself time, it will pass.
I think some of creativity arises out of boredom. Boredom of what I can not tell you, but it is a common element.
So this is just a mumble in the vastness of space, probably which no one will read. And those who do, well, I hope they mumble back.
Read books
Write truth
Fight demons
Stand complete...
Cure yourself,
Little Lion Man
Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. - C.S. Lewis
