I hope I never become wealthy. I hope I never become catch the green envy, the paper greed. I'll see it on the screen tonight. Some story of something eternal torn apart by something so monetary, so temporary. How did something so temporary steal something so permanent Something so lasting...
I have never been good with money. I try to be and I think I am getting better. I spend my days researching and working towards a degree. I hope to get another degree after that. Even my plan right now is to get an MBA. I plan on working for a business, whose sole purpose is profit, to gain as much money as possible. I confuse myself sometimes. I envy and hate the same things sometimes... I guess it will just depend on the days.
Stay clean
Stay composed
Stay what you are...
It's not to say I hate money. I just hope it never consumes me like it has the world. I hope the flames of the green fire never burn my mind or my soul. I am just like everyone else ... I just want enough money to live, not just survive. I am not unique. If I must worry, which I have come to realize I have no choice but to worry, I wish to worry about things of worth, things of the great hereafter and of those who I wish to spend my ever expiring time with. I don't wish to worry about the trivial. I wish to worry about the plan, about fate, about you...
I wish to see the world, not just the tourist attractions
I wish to see the seven seas
I wish to live in solitude
I wish to witness beauty, to witness creation and originality
I will live in the northwest, or in the great lonestar state or in a small coastal town, where I feel I belong
I wish all of this with you...
The quiet life is what I feel I truly desire. I need to find my corner of the world and make it mine. I have come to realize I need to create a home, not just find it. I need to create it with someone. Home is not home if you are alone ... I will be silently happy with this life. It may sound strange to some, but my ideal dreams consist of a home, not an extravagant house but a home... a place filled with sentiment and endearment. Not just a television and pictures of people we have forgotten. The memories will be of christmas mornings, of messes the kids made, of working in the yard, of friends who have become family.
"That secret that we know that we don't know how to tell. I'm in love with your honor, I'm in love with your cheeks. What's that noise up the stairs babe? Is that Christmas morning creaks?"- Bon Iver
My home is family... the family not just of blood but of love. This is my dream and this is my fear ... that I damned to go with out this. Is this my great trial? Is this the suffering that has been promised?
"Collect calls to home. Tell them that I realize that everyone who lives will someday die and die alone"-Brand New
My biggest fear is not that I will believe the previously stated someday, but that I may already have this belief instilled in me.
My home is her
My home is with our children
My home is my parents
My home is my brothers
My home is my sister
My home is in the northwest
My home is found in serenity
My home is peace
My home with you, with me, with understanding
The truth is, my home is wherever she is, wherever you are, wherever I feel content.
"I've set my house on fire 'cause I don't need it anymore"- Tallest Man on Earth
In the mean time....
I will laugh
I will read
I will ponder
I will dream
I will live
I will wish...
And if my purpose to be in solitude... I am sure I will find the joy and reason in that. I just hope I make it worth your while.
Until then please tell me to stop if you have heard this all before, after all this is all Deja Entendu.
Please don't give up on fate ... Stay What You Are
Just Another Scribble in Space,
A Postcard from the Lost
"Of all the many ways a man will break his heart, well there ain't none meaner than he pulls his own apart"-Old 97s
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